It Feels Strange, But Also Right

You guys really set the bar high for me. These days, I do not expect much from anyone, but when I see that some of you actually expect something from me, it makes me happy. At least you expect something from me, and all I wish is to deliver. First of all, thank you for the suggestions, and thank you for the hopes. Those little check-ins from friends like “Have you written?” “Have you posted?” and the quiet rise in readers is what keeps me going. It means so much knowing that some of you wait, read, and actually appreciate this little space of mine.

When this was posted, it was already the 30th of September, which means we’re just three months away from wrapping up 2025. Phew. Never thought I’d come this far. We did that. Time really flies so fast. I’m only a few years away from 30, and there’s still so much I want to do, so many places I want to see, so many dreams I want to chase, yet time feels so short. I’m even thinking about making a “30 under 30” list soon—a list of things I want to achieve or experience before turning 30. Maybe I will share it here one day if it does not feel too personal and if I feel comfortable letting it out into the world.

What this also means is that I really did keep writing, just like I promised, even when it felt hard to make the time. This September, though, I had very few updates. I’ve been so consumed with this phase of my life that I’ve felt a little numb. Things haven’t been the best for me.

This entry is special because I promised a friend I would write on a prompt she suggested. She asked me to reflect on the version of myself I have discovered this year that I like the most, and to show appreciation for that version when I look back later. I think that is such a beautiful way to reflect. Acknowledging growth and pausing to give thanks to the person I have become. Ain, if you are reading this, thank you for always seeing the best in me.

So what is this new version of me? I think it’s this: I am still kind, but my kindness now has edges. I am still loving, but my love is no longer blind. I like that balance. I like this version of me. Turning 25 feels different. Maybe it is the science of the frontal lobe finally settling in, or maybe it is the quiet lessons life has been teaching me all along, but I feel more grounded than ever. Slowly, I found the courage to step out of the bubble I had been living in, the bubble of safety, routine, and familiar expectations. Choosing to build happiness on my own terms felt like pressing reset on who I thought I was. Suddenly, it is me, my choices, and the life I am shaping from the ground up. From learning to trust my own voice to making decisions without waiting for approval, from sitting with myself in silence to choosing joy in small and ordinary ways, I am reminded every day that I am capable of standing on my own two feet.

Looking back, I see the girl I used to be. I do not regret her. She was brave in her own way. But now I know better. 

Maybe ask yourself the same thing I did: what part of you today makes you proud? You might surprise yourself with the answer.